It’s that time of year again, and we’ve got a mere week until Valentines Day. Why not do something that takes about 30 seconds to show your sweetheart that you care? Head over to the Candy Heart Generator for a sweet treat that won’t rot his or her teeth. You can also use this to make suggestions for certain hilarious acts you might want performed.
If you are less of a weirdo, I’ve compiled a bunch of suggestions for you that are less likely to get you dumped. Why? Because I care.
Why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone? Get her a Candy G-String
, so you cover the candy and the lingerie in one shot, but you get to nibble away, getting an all-important sugar rush to give you energy to go more than 5 minutes before crashing into a diabetic coma.
Perhaps you aren’t quite at the eating candy off of your loved one’s naughty bits stage yet… maybe you’re even a little rusty when it comes to jumping from “let’s have coffee" to “let’s get naked". Nina Hartley is here to save the day. She’s done a how-to video on just about everything out there, including sensual domination, multiple orgasms and givin' blowjobs, but let’s talk get back to Nina Hartley's Guide to Seduction. This just might help you make the smooth moves from awkwardly holding hands to getting it on.
It’s a fact: most girls prefer dirty stories to dirty movies. Okay, fact might be pushing it, but an informal survey of my lady friends reveals that most would rather curl up and get off with a smutty book than smutty images, so you might as well listen to me. Best American Erotica 2007 is edited by the amazing and brilliant Susie Bright, and every year, this is a guaranteed good read. Aqua Erotica is dirty while you get clean – it’s waterproof, making bath time so much fun, or try Best Lesbian Erotica 2007 for the homosexual or curious lady in your life. Or just for yourself.
Okay, if all that fails, just go for the mother of all vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand. Don’t worry, she’ll still want to kiss you while she’s getting off, and it really is true that more orgasms lead to wanting more orgasms, so she’ll be all over you more often, and not just on that pressure-filled day of romance in the middle of February. Oh, and right now, this is listed at $39.95 which is a ridiculously good price.
Happy early Valentines! You can thank me later.
